i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
