Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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