Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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