On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
50% drunk capacity currently
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
