can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
