I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
