It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
