Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
