First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
