An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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