I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Two words: nipple clamps
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