wanna go halves on a baby?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
