"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
