I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
