Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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