I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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