did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
