chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
whose parrot is this?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
