I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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