and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
