I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dick very happy bro
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
