Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
