I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
