sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sorry my hands just texted you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
