dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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