Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
