Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
