my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
