i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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