haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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