had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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