As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
