i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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