Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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