im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
