You just made me feel so damn special
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
