WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
