He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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