i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
