I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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