how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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