Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
