No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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