Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
