party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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