I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
