is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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