no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
