i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
