Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
