I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if i died would you start the facebook group?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
