ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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