It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
