matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
