At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
