peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
