Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
