Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
