yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
