I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
