I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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