Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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