My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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