I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
