You work out of a Hotel?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
