you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
