I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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